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Early in the month I attended a class on mediumship. Honestly, I must say that it is not my thing. I find myself so rooted in mindful thought and lost in creativity that I have a hard time distinguishing between what is imagination, or what my mind has created, and what is being given or said to me from an outside source. Early on in my pagan studies I found visualization to be fascinating. I studied and practiced and at this point I find it pretty easy to create images and situations in my mind to immerse in. This has been a great asset to my mundane and magickal life. Often times I use it to create a place to worship as well as help myself more quickly fall asleep. It also makes meditation more meaningful to be able to create the sights, sounds, and smells easier. However, all this I do so both knowingly with purpose and semi-automatically where things are added or improved on without me needing to will it so. This to me is how intuition works. Somewhere in the subconscious my brain add things and takes cues from what is already present. This is what makes medium-ship so difficult to me. I find myself sifting through the images, feelings, and sounds trying to decide what I am creating (making up) and what is being given to me. Everything that is being visualized I start to label in my head… me, train of thought intuition, silly random thought, me, real, not real, ?, etc. Normally when I label things then the concern over their origins is fleeting and I can move on to label something new. It makes the process of going out and looking for a spirit guide or connecting with spirits exhaustingly complex. And then, maybe I am over analyzing it all. That being said, at the mediumship class I had an awesome experience. There was a childhood experience I had that was both extremely scary to me and at the same time saved me some pain and kept me out of a more hurtful situation. I have lived my whole life so far without knowing all the answer to that event, until the class. Someone explained what had happened during that event, and showed me the truth behind what I could not see. It is my believe that I was able to connect with a spirit guide. She told me her name, explained what she had done all those years ago, and it overwhelmed me. Interestingly enough I did not have to sift through or even question these thoughts from the guide. I knew they were not from me and she did me the favor of literally artificially shaking my emotions so I would further understand what was happening. I felt a chill, fear, and excitement ran through my body and my eyes without emotion started to tear up. I was not sad, did not feel in danger, but experienced something unique to me. I found an awareness about what was going on at that moment and chose to end it by backing off and putting up some distance between what just happened. Not that I was worried or frightful, but I wanted to have some time to understand it and think about what happened. I also needed to do some research over the name that was given to me. I couldn’t really substantiate the name to my liking but for now I am going to just go with it. Who knows, maybe in the future I can have that conversation with my new friend.
My new friend, as i’ll call her for blogging purposes, has proven elusive. It would seem at the moment that I cannot reach out to her for contact and maybe this is because I am mostly untrained and lack the know how to do so. She has visited me though twice since the class. Once only moments ago while writing the post with some concerns over giving away too many details about her, and once earlier in the month to give me another name.
Whats in a Name?
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I can be a pretty lazy person. I seem to like to think about it as giving into life’s little distractions. I am also forgetful and tend to spread myself to thin. I have notice for a long time though that this comes in waves. Sometimes I will be super focus and get a ton of things done, tonight being one of those nights, and other times I cant seem to get anything done and my head feels like soup. I had never thought that it there may be outside influences involved. I am beginning to think differently. My friend nudged a thought in my head while taking a bit of a meditating shower. She gave me an awareness of things and then a name. The awareness was that of what helps contribute to my laziness. Notice that I say “ helps contribute” because I truly do believe that I am responsible for my actions and have the will and ability to change as hard as it might be. That alone was eye opening. Looking out on the world I noticed it too. Something, a entity, shadow, reflection, spirit, demon… I’m not sure what it is but I know what to call it. The name I will not share, or even say aloud most of the time, because I also truly believe that saying somethings name grabs its attention. That goes for writing it down as well. I think that only if I want to address it should I speak its name. Now I think I know what some of you might be saying. That playing into it like this is me just giving it more power over me, and you might be right. Part of the understanding I was given of the thing is that it is only harmful if I let it, and that it has value to me. I can use it to my advantage, so I don’t mind its existence. I welcome it to me almost like a familiar. Maybe that is what it is, a familiar. Or perhaps another guide that focuses on more selfish pursuits. Or maybe one of my readers has a better name for it. I’ll leave that for the comments section below or email.
Anyone else have any similar experiences in mediumship? Let me know. Blessed Be.