I have been plagued with bad dreams lately. Usually I don’t remember my dreams. Either because I don’t sleep very deeply most nights or because maybe they happen in a sleep cycle that is further from the time that I wake. Most of the times that I remember my dreams it is when I have already woken up and gone back to sleep to snooze for a bit.
Recently my dreams have been filled with horrible situations. I can’t seem to get a break when I shut my eyes to rest. Bad dreams in the past haven’t ever been a problem. Some how growing up I learned to remain “awake” during bad dreams. Almost like as soon as the nightmare started I could remove myself from what was happening and view things in third person. It dawns on me that this might be because growing up I had Sleep Epilepsy. I would, while sleeping, become aware of what they call a Epileptic Dream, or Aura. It was my hope growing up that if I could not get caught up in the overwhelmingly beautiful feeling of that Aura that I could get help from my parents by banging on the walls or saying something. Talking however always seemed super difficult during those situations.
Auras are brief, localized, electrical brain discharges that often precede more serious seizures. As such, they can warn a person with epilepsy that a bigger seizure is on the way, giving the person a chance to prepare by making a phone call or finding a safe place to lie down.
Auras range from the horribly frightening – feelings of uncontrolled terror – to the pleasurable – rapture and unbridled euphoria. Some can be downright bizarre: One person hears a few bars of the theme from the TV show M.A.S.H.
For me the Auras were 1 part scary, only because I knew what was going to follow, to 9 parts bliss. My mind felt like it was expanding and my consciousness would take over the room. Sometimes it would be accompanied with a visual in my head of a tightening metal chain, and other times I would start to hear things like they were in fast forward. Honestly it was a lot like drug, and out of the whole ordeal I actually miss the experience of the Auras. There were things now that I would like to try during such an episode like magic work or astral projection. I had epilepsy only from the ages of 8-12. I have had some symptoms from time to time since but mostly if I mess around with my sleep schedule. Even though I miss those Auras I would never purposely try and have a seizure. They are horrible and life changing.
Back to the problem at hand. I can’t seem to break out of my dreams anymore. I can’t rip into the third person to see how they play out. Instead, I am fully integrated into what is going on. I am not experiencing fear, but I worry that if this keeps up that I will. Mostly when the bad things happen in these dreams I get the feeling of confusion. I certainly think this is better then fear or despair. I am sure there is a whole range of emotions that I would like to stay away from while dreaming, but I am curious as to way I am staying in “the action” so to speak. Any help, advice, or expertise would be appreciated in figuring this out. Maybe a Tarot reading is in order.
By the by, I updated the Rules section on the BoS. Check it out in the Book of Shadows Section. Next on my to do list for the BoS is also there.
Blessed Be, and sweet dreams